I'll bet she douches with gravy.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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