If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
