wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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