haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
