he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
