Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
