i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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