my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
