I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
