I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We were destined to go to rehab together
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
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