hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm at about main and main street
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
