Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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