Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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