anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
