you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
