Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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