he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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