Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
