i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
