i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize