so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
