D3 body, D1 cock
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
