I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
