i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
