i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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