can u get pink eye on your cock?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
