you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
