did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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