I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
