so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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