mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
