Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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