You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
