Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
