if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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