you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
