Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
