and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
