The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
