Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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