At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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