I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
