Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
