it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
