At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
