are you so shy because you have an std?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
