btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
