Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
