You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
