I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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