i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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