I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
