I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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